"I Will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You"

These days, my kids - Christine, Paul, and Angel - and I have become specially close. But sometimes I need to take a break and be refreshed. That's when I notice how clingy they can be, especially after they felt abandoned by one. I just imagine what might go through their minds if they see me, their father, leaving them too! I promise my children that nothing in this world will make me leave them nor forsake them, and that I love them very much. And most importantly, whatever happens, I assure them that God is with us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Joshua 1:5 ; Hebrews 13:5) That's the nature of God's covenant and love for us. He is a faithful God.Jesus promises, " .. behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28: 20)

Sad Story of a Singled Father

My wife asked for 5 days vacation in her home province (Nueva Ecija). Before she left, I noticed something strange about her. It was as if there was an unexplainable gap between us when we had not even quarelled or have a disagreement. A day prior to her departure to the province, an anonymous sender brought flowers and cake to the house via express delivery service from Makati.

At the end of her several days' vacation in the province, she texted me and asked that we meet at Fathers' Coffee Robinsons Galleria with our 3 kids. She arrived and treated the kids to Tom's World. All the while, I really could not explain the "coldness" and strange look about her. But for some reason I did not bother to ask her. We went home as if things were normal.

The following day, we took time out together to date at Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall. The strange look on her face persisted. During one of our strolls together, she invited me to go to the Millenium internet cafe. We took separate tables. However I was near enough to her to see what she's doing on the web. Suddenly, I approached her table and found out that there was an anoymous email adress inbox that's opened with a foreign sounding name. Quickly, she deleted the inbox from the screen and everything she was doing. That started it all. I begun to have suspicions about her having a "double life."

We quickly signed off from the internet cafe. And I begun to confront her about that anoynmous email inbox. She appeared so stunned and speechless. I was fuming with anger because she would not explain the existence of the anoymous email inbox that's opened when I approached her table in the internet cafe. She simply kept silent and asked that we go home and talk there.

When we reached home, she finally confessed to me that the anoymous email inbox was the common address she and an OP (other person) boyfriend she met online at Yahoo messenger chats was using to exchange love notes and pictures. The OP was of Indian nationality presently working in Dubai. She cried a lot during the confession. I thought I'd break down hearing her confession but I did not. I tried to pacify her and I was somehow convinced by the way she confessed that she's repenting of what she did. I learned that she was deliberately flirting and secretly communicating with the OP for almost a year via our home personal computer and telephone line. She promised to totally cut off communications with the OP.

The following day, she showed me online the letters and photos she had with the OP. Some of the photos shown to me (some almost naked) were taken by the OP himself while she was posing in the webcam. I asked her to delete them all amid an obvious inner struggle that's manifesting about her face. These initial confessions were the start of my inner turmoil and crisis. My trust was broken. And in response, I found it hard then not to be strict to her regarding being accountable about her daily activities and communications.

After a field trip to Subic, I met her at the fastfood center of Galleria. While eating, I noticed that she was again manifesting a strange look. I confronted her. But instead of telling me what's bothering her, she invited me to just check in at nearby Crown Plaza hotel for the night. Inside the hotel room, she confessed that she again contacted the OP. I almost lost my temper for her breaking her promise not to communicate anymore with the OP. We struggled and cried together a lot that night. The following morning in the hotel, she confessed that she met the OP during a secret side trip to Hongkong before she went to the province last time for vacation . From my personal assessment at that point, I was convinced she was truly repenting and choosing our family over the OP. She again promised that she'd totally cut off communications with the OP.

This begun a terrible day to day inner crisis for me and my wife. We made changes together, but we could not do it on our own. So I finally decided to come to church and talked to my current cell leader pastor John Saison. I asked for counsel and prayers. Ptr John offered counseling for me and my wife. But at that point, my wife was not ready yet for counseling. Ptr John shared with ptr Luther about my situation. I shared with ptr Sonny Oaman too for he was my former cell leader. Then, at one Sunday morning worship service, I asked ptr Ferdie Cabiling to pray for me and the problem I was having with my wife.

One evening, I checked our personal home computer and again I discovered that my wife was contacting the OP. She was YM messaging the OP ("hon, I'm here at SM, message me if you reach office, am just fixing my passport and preparing my papers etc...."). The home PC had a new surveillance software installed which my wife didn't know. That paved the way for a serious confrontation again between us, which led to our physical parting of ways overnight. She left the house first. After she left, I brought all the kids to my mother's place to spend an overnight. My wife and I confronted each other via texting.

The morning after, my wife texted and requested me to bring the kids to Mcdonalds Meralco (place also where ptr John and I and others hold our leadership cell group). I struggled to agree with my wife, but I agreed anyway for the sake of the birthday of our youngest during that day. While having breakfast around 7 a.m., ptr John approached us and invited my wife and I for counseling at the Galleria at about 10 am with his wife Jen. I was silent throughout the breakfast time with my wife and the children. During the 10 am counseling session, my wife confessed to ptr John and Jen about her adulterous relationship with the OP and agreed to continuous counseling and certain spiritual commitments. In the afternoon, my wife and I were able to go home together in better spirits, feeling that things had improved a lot.

All throughout my being together with my wife after this, she'd confess to me that she misses the OP and has been losing joy in spiritual activities. I still remained patient and tried to encourage her to go through our spiritual disciplines on a daily and weekly basis. For about 2 months or so, our life and relationship was a rollercoaster. It's up and down -- spiritually, emotionally and sexually. Inspite of her verbalized commitments to our healing process, I can sense numerous signs of her wavering in her everyday behavior.

By this time, my wife had become adept in "accuse the other, excuse one's self," denial, and making all sorts of reasons to avoid personal responsibility. Everyday I felt heartbroken. One, because we're a Christian family. It's devastating to imagine how she could deliberately lie and deceive me and the children for almost a year of connecting with the OP while being a "church woman."

And second, marriage is precious and divine to God. Like every other human being, I have flaws and she also has flaws. Since I felt she recognized with me Christ as the center of our marriage and family, there are lots of options open to us even if she felt things had become unbearable. We could argue. We could try to discuss our problems. We could see and talk to a pastor. We could discuss our problems with other couples or family members and relatives we trust. We could move to our parents' house. We could physically separate or take a vacation. We could report to the police. But having an affair, to commit adultery and treachery, is not one of those choices for one who believes in God.

One December evening, I again noticed a strange look on her face. I confronted her and commented that it could be better if we're away from each other if we continue like this. This led her to begin to pack her things and clothes while sobbing. Inside me, I was dying for I felt it was something that she had been waiting for to do. I almost lost my temper. I physically dragged her outside to the house garage for about 5 seconds and let her go. Nothing happened. I didn't hurt her in any way with my hands. I praise God that He controlled myself at that moment and I was able to go back to a spirit of calmness and prayer while continuing to reason with her. She got to sleep and rest.

The following morning, I asked her to stay in the house while I do something outside so we can talk again at the end of the day. In the middle of the day, I went back to our house and I found out that she disappeared with our 4 year old daughter Angel. Our other 2 children - Christine and Paul - were in school. So for several hours, I would call and text her but she would not answer. Later in the evening, I received news from her brother that she just arrived in her home province with our 4 year old kid Angel.

My wife and our 4 year old kid spent Christmas in her home province, away from me and our other 2 children in Manila. She was not willing to come home. She said it was due to her pain inside. Even then, we resumed texting each other and getting improved in our exchanges. On December 26, she disappeared from the province without notifying me. She went to Manila for several days without coming to our house. According to her relatives, she went to Manila for business and would be going back to province after that.

This repeated offense led me to get angry at her. I would constantly text her and ask her that we meet to discuss our situation. She finally agreed to meet me in Starbucks the Fort on her 3rd day in Manila, pressured by her wanting to see the other two kids who were with me. We had a good time together with the kids, though I still felt uneasy towards her for we had not talked enough. After visiting the kids, we went away together for an evening date. We again shared and cried together, processing what had happened. Late in the evening, I brought her to the gate of the house of a Christian family we both know where she was staying while in Manila. I went back to our own house and left her there upon her request. The following morning, she decided to follow me to our own house. We spent the whole time together before I accompanied her to the bus station on the way back to the province.

Due to her frequent texting and my perceived restoration of our intimacy, I decided to follow her to the province the following day. I then spent New Year there with her and our 4 year old kid. Things appeared okey, except for her father who had to talk to me about our relationship. During my New Year stay in their home, my wife and I would pray together and discuss things. I would encourage her to go back home to Manila for there's no more reason for her to stay there in the province. She said she's not ready yet. So on January 2, I decided that I need to go back to Manila with our 4 year kid Angel. My wife promised that she'd go home the following day. She promised that she'd ask forgiveness and explain to our other 2 kids - Christine and Paul - about her absence during the holiday seasons.

My wife didn't follow the day after as she promised. She stayed in the province for a few more days because, according to her, she'd attend a wedding of the daughter of her brother. Almost a week passed and no text messages from her. No news updates at all. Then on a Wednesday, my wife's brother went to our house and informed me that my wife didn't attend any wedding, that she had already left the province since Sunday to go to Manila. All that time, I thought she was in the province because she stopped updating me. This was a most painful period for me really. My wife had become a serial liar and deceiver.

Two days after on a Friday, I was informed by her brother that my wife was already in Dubai, where the OP is working and living. According to her brother, my wife told him that she'll be the one to inform me of her departure to Dubai. She never did. Then on a Sunday of same week, I received a missed call from her from Dubai while I was worshipping at the VCF Ortigas 11 am service. She texted me and she said she wishes to talk to me online. I was so heartbroken, I could not talk to her. I ignored her plea.

As of today (January 25, 2007), my wife has been staying in Dubai for over a week now. Based on her sent messages to me, she's staying in the house of the sister of the OP. Last Sunday (January 21), she attended a VCF Dubai chapter worship service with the OP. Online and via texting, my wife would plea for me to talk to her. She'd send love and care messages to me, and request that I allow the children to see and talk to her. As of this time, I'm trying to protect the kids from the spiritual contamination of the sins that were done.

I have become a "singled father." Whether it will be temporary or not, God knows. God sees that I didn't take the easy road. I tried my best and went into the healing process with the best of intentions. Dealing with this situation is the darkest hour of my life. But I trust God that He will do a fresh work, restore my personal and spiritual strength. I trust God to turn this tragedy around and use it for good for me and the kids and even for her whom I've dearly loved.

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